Looking Back

Soon to be in the season of resolutions, I’m first using this time as a period of reflection. In 2019 I really took the “new year, new me” mantra and ran with it.

A year ago, I wasn’t fulfilled or being challenged by my career. I was working night shift, when census allowed, and was able to coast through my 12 hours just going through the motions.

A year ago, I lived 4 hours from family and spent a lot of time alone at coffee shops. I became content with where I was at socially, and just kind of accepted a slower paced lifestyle.

A year ago, I would dread going to the gym to run 30 minutes on the treadmill. I would work out because I didn’t love the way I looked or felt. All I knew was cardio. Or maybe some crunches.

A year ago, I contemplated settling, out of fear that my standards were too high. I felt that I was “still figuring things out” and that this was just a time “to be” rather than “to grow”.

Then 2019 came around.

I moved into a new apartment & a new(ish) state. For the first time in 6 years I wasn’t going to have a roommate. I was going to have a space to call my own. Free reign on decorating. Full responsibility if it was messy. No one to come home to and be forced to interact with after a 12+ hour day.

I started a new job, in a hospital 20 times bigger than what I was used to. I was coming from a frequently low-census situation to a not-enough-beds situation. I was used to stabilizing and shipping out, whereas now I would be on the receiving end.

I flipped my fitness journey on its head, switching to at home workouts. Saving money, saving time, and eliminating excuses. I knew if I was going to have to show up for my coworkers & patients, I was going to have to show up for myself first. All circling back to “you can’t pour from an empty cup, take care of yourself first”. I needed to make myself a priority in order to accomplish anything else I had planned.

I fell in love with myself all over again, and was able to put myself out there. Sure, moving to a city with a population 31 times bigger probably had something to do with it… But I’m going to take some credit. Adjusting my life in basically every other category, relationships were bound to follow along. It’s true what they say, you have to fall in love with yourself first, then look to share that love. Rather than focus on someone else validating your worth.

Not going to lie, 2019 was kinda my year. And I’m really proud of myself to be able to say that.

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